More Shit My Dad Says

Autor: Justin Halpern
Publisher: Pan Macmillan
ISBN: 1447248953
File Size: 58,23 MB
Format: PDF, Kindle
Read: 7126
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‘Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a sh*tload scarier’ Sam Halpern Soon after Sh*t My Dad Says began to take off, comic writer Justin Halpern decided to take the plunge and propose to his then girlfriend. But before doing so, he asked his dad's advice, which was very, very simple (and surprisingly clean): 'Just take a day to think about it.' This book is the story of that trip down memory lane, a toe-curlingly honest pilgrim’s progress of teenage relationships, sex and love by one of the funniest writers at work today. Sh*t people say about Justin Halpern: ‘Ridiculously hilarious’ Chelsea Handler ‘Shoot-beer-out-your-nose funny’ Maxim ‘Funny, silly, honest, lively and fresh’ Sunday Times

I Suck At Girls Enhanced Edition

Autor: Justin Halpern
Publisher: Harper Collins
ISBN: 0062215728
File Size: 50,48 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
Read: 4384
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In I Suck at Girls, the enhanced e-book edition, Justin's famously opinionated father goes on camera for the first time, offering life advice on topics from marriage to profanity and debating the appeal of pornography in seven exclusive videos. Justin's father also tells his version of raising Justin with an essay written in prose as hilarious and poignant as his son's. In addition the enhanced e-book features nine exclusive photos from Justin's childhood. "Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a shitload scarier." Fans of the #1 bestseller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always-patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through the pages of this hysterical new book. The story begins when Justin takes his dad out to lunch to announce that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend. "You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel fucking universe." But eventually he gives Justin some advice: that he should take a day off and think back over everything he's learned in life about women, relationships, and himself before making his decision. And that's just what Justin does—revisiting everything from his disastrous childhood crushes to the night he finally lost his virginity while working as a dishwasher at Hooters. I Suck at Girls is full of his dad's patented brand of wisdom. But it's also full of new characters just as funny as his dad—from his brother, who provides insights into wedding night rituals ("You stand in one corner of the room, and she stands in the other. You each take off one piece of clothing at a time") to his first boss, who warns Justin to man up: "That's what a man does. He takes his shots and then he scrubs the shit out of some dishes." The result is a pilgrim's progress through the landscape of sex and love—by one of the funniest writers at work today. Please note that due to the large file size of these special features this enhanced e-book may take longer to download then a standard e-book.

Shit My Dad Says

Autor: Justin Halpern
Publisher: Pan Macmillan
ISBN: 9780752227405
File Size: 20,49 MB
Format: PDF, Kindle
Read: 1347
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'At 28 years old, I found myself living at home, with my 73-year-old father. As a child, my father never minced words, and when I screwed up, he had a way of cutting right through the bullshit and pointing out exactly why I was being an idiot. When I moved back in I was still, for the most part, an idiot. But this time, I was smart enough to write down all the things he said to me…' Meet Justin Halpern and his dad. Almost one million people follow Mr Halpern’s philosophical musings every day on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his sayings. What emerges is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father and son relationship from a major new comic voice. As Justin says at one point, his dad is ‘like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair’; and this is the sort of shit he says… ‘You know, sometimes it’s nice having you around. But now ain’t one of those times. Now gimmie the remote, we’re not watching this bullshit.’ ‘Happy Birthday, I didn’t get you a present… Oh, mom got you one? Well, that’s from me then, too – unless it’s shitty.’ ‘Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn’t stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down.’ ‘The worst thing you can be is a liar . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2.’ ‘Why the f**k would I want to live to 100? I’m 73 and shit’s starting to get boring. By the way, there’s no money left when I go, just fyi.’

Sh T Girls Say

Autor: Kyle Humphrey
Publisher: Harlequin
ISBN: 1459249992
File Size: 75,86 MB
Format: PDF, Kindle
Read: 5947
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"I've said 90% of the things on Sh*t Girls Say." -Every Girl Ever "It's the new best thing. It may be our new favorite thing." —Perez Hilton "In the age of quinoa gluten-free iced coffee sashimi hot yoga, thank God we have the 'girls' to keep sh*t real. But don't tell them I said that. They'll just totally pretend they said it. They're so jealous of me." —Stacy London, What Not to Wear "This book on my bedside table makes me look like a reader." —Ali Adler, cocreator of Glee "As a girl who says a lot of sh*t, I can honestly say I die for this book." —Abby Elliott, Saturday Night Live cast member Read Excerpt

Sh T My Dad Says

Autor: Justin Halpern
Publisher: Harper Collins
ISBN: 0062002945
File Size: 42,76 MB
Format: PDF, Mobi
Read: 803
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“This book is ridiculously hilarious, and makes my father look like a normal member of society.” —Chelsea Handler “Read this unless you’re allergic to laughing.” —Kristen Bell “If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” —Christian Lander, New York Times bestselling author of Stuff White People Like Tuesdays with Morrie meets F My Life in this hilarious book about a son’s relationship with his foul-mouthed father by the 29-year-old comedy writer who created the massively popular Twitter feed of the same name.

A Far Piece To Canaan

Autor: Sam Halpern
Publisher: Harper Collins
ISBN: 0062233181
File Size: 31,78 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Mobi
Read: 4943
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A Far Piece to Canaan is a warm and nostalgic novel from an unexpected source: Sam Halpern, whose salty paternal wisdom made Justin Halpern’s Sh*t My Dad Says a phenomenal bestseller. Inspired by Sam Halpern’s childhood in rural Kentucky, A Far Piece to Canaan tells the story of Samuel Zelinsky, a celebrated but troubled former professor who reluctantly returns after his wife’s death to the Kentucky hills where he lived as a child to reconnect with long-buried memories and make good on a forgotten promise. A tale of superstition, secrets, and heroism in the postwar South, A Far Piece to Canaan: A Novel of Friendship and Redemption is the surprising and moving debut of a gifted storyteller.

Awesome Sh T My Drill Sergeant Said

Autor: Dan Caddy
Publisher: Harper Collins
ISBN: 0062351974
File Size: 17,20 MB
Format: PDF, Docs
Read: 7623
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The official tie-in book to the wildly popular Facebook page, featuring brand-new crazy, off-the-wall, outrageously funny, and downright “awesome” pearls of wisdom from real-life drill sergeants and instructors from all branches of the military. Sweat dries. Blood clots. Bones heal. Suck it up, buttercup. After his deployment in Afghanistan, Dan Caddy began swapping great drill sergeant stories by e-mail with other combat veterans—an exchange with friends that would grow into the dedicated Facebook page, “Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said.” But what began as a comedic outlet has evolved into a robust online community and support network that conducts fundraisers for and donates to military charities, has helped veterans struggling with PTSD and other issues, and on numerous occasions, literally saved lives. Now, Caddy shares more great DS stories—most never before seen—in this humorous collection. Often profane, sometimes profound, yet always entertaining, these rants from real life soldiers are interspersed with lively sidebars, Top 10 lists, stories from fans, one-liners, and more. For anyone who has suffered a hard-ass manager (in uniform or not), Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said will add a much needed dose of humor to the day.

How May We Hate You

Autor: Anna Drezen
Publisher: Potter Style
ISBN: 0553448358
File Size: 14,42 MB
Format: PDF, ePub, Mobi
Read: 6675
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Most people think hotel employees are effortlessly cheerful, naturally helpful, and genuinely like their work. Most people are wrong. Find out what really goes on in the world of hospitality with this hilarious book full of funny and absurd stories, anecdotes told in dialogue, factoids, and hoax pop quizzes by two veteran concierges who paid their way while working at a combined 50 hotels in and around Times Square. They are very pleased to help you learn: · The Truth About Bed Bugs · The Mythology of “Loyalty Programs” · The 411 on Hotel Residents · And so much more Filled with photographs and infographics, How May We Hate You? is both romp and commentary on the hospitality industry and life behind the nametag.

Mennonite In A Little Black Dress

Autor: Rhoda Janzen
Publisher: Henry Holt and Company
ISBN: 9781429982337
File Size: 48,36 MB
Format: PDF, Kindle
Read: 7525
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A hilarious and moving memoir—in the spirit of Anne Lamott and Nora Ephron—about a woman who returns home to her close-knit Mennonite family after a personal crisis Not long after Rhoda Janzen turned forty, her world turned upside down. It was bad enough that her brilliant husband of fifteen years left her for Bob, a guy he met on Gay.com, but that same week a car accident left her with serious injuries. What was a gal to do? Rhoda packed her bags and went home. This wasn't just any home, though. This was a Mennonite home. While Rhoda had long ventured out on her own spiritual path, the conservative community welcomed her back with open arms and offbeat advice. (Rhoda's good-natured mother suggested she date her first cousin—he owned a tractor, see.) It is in this safe place that Rhoda can come to terms with her failed marriage; her desire, as a young woman, to leave her sheltered world behind; and the choices that both freed and entrapped her. Written with wry humor and huge personality—and tackling faith, love, family, and aging—Mennonite in a Little Black Dress is an immensely moving memoir of healing, certain to touch anyone who has ever had to look homeward in order to move ahead.

Honey Badger Don T Care

Autor: Randall
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
ISBN: 1449419623
File Size: 59,47 MB
Format: PDF, ePub
Read: 948
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Never before has wildlife narration been this bold and this hilarious. More than 40 million people have viewed Randall’s honey badger video, “The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger.” “It has no regard for anyone or anything—it just takes what it wants! What a little badass!” When viewing wildlife footage, who hasn’t thought at times, “Ewww! What the hell is that?!” Randall thinks it — and says so! In Honey Badger Don’t Care, Randall examines and humorously informs on a dozen crazy, nasty animals of the wild kingdom employing his unique style of telling it like it is! His wildlife writing is refreshingly honest. If an animal scares Randall, he’s not afraid to share. Unlike most nature writers, Randall doesn’t deliver the sugarcoated or drab description. He “goes there” and shares his true feelings with his audience. Because of this, his readers feel that they can relate. Randall loves animals—even the ones that terrify him. He may not agree with how these animals conduct themselves in the world, but Randall wants everyone to know who they are. Just as he introduced the world to the honey badger, the Jesus lizard, and others, so will Randall shed light on twelve bizarre and interesting animals. Designed with callouts, sidebars, and more than fifty photos, Honey Badger Don’t Care presents a wildlife book for adults—hilarious, irreverent, profane, yet charming, chatty, and informative. Don’t be stupid—buy this book!